There are talks of moving and I'm sitting by not saying anything about it but I'm 100% sure they assume I'll be going with them... which I won't. I'll push my sister and her boyfriend over and take the house I grew up in and make my mom get a job and provide stability for my brother... This will require more medication than I'm used to right now but I don't care. I'm not leaving home. Home being this town. Elverta is 5 minutes from Antelope and I grew up in Elverta and currently live in Antelope. I'll cut coupons and get on disability and get new(ish) appliances and get rid of all the animals but the three dogs and Zeus. I can't move. Theres reasons upon reasons why I didn't pack up and head to WA... my brother not being able to see me is one of them. I won't leave and hope that when I need out of there I can just go. I won't leave here and hope that the times I need my mom she can scrounge up the gas money and pack my brother in the car for like an hour trip and come see me at the place I least want to be at the time... and I won't leave with her and come here to be stuck roaming around aimlessly for the majority of my stay until I call my dad and beg for him to come get me. This may cause me to not have internet... but as soon as I'm on disability, I'll be able to pay for internet at my moms old house and live there... I'm almost a licensed driver and I can pay for gas and drive my moms Jeep around as needed when I am licensed and on disability... She can pay for food and we can both help my grandma out... and I can pay off those horrible horrible student loans. I wish there was a way that I could just pack up and move out of the country and then be in the same position with everyone... but thats not an option right now... Thats another thing... what am I going to do when this effects my relationship? I need to pay a bill every month... plus the loans... then dealing with him not being here and the possibilities of getting married in the next couple of years and then what? Him moving out to my moms with me? us getting a place and watching the structure I could set for my brother collapse? I can't move out of here and away from Zaida and my brother and mom... They are my best friends... the people I turn to when I can't handle life anymore... I'll suffocate in a town without them... Granted, Folsom isn't soooo far but seriously I won't do that! I WON'T MAKE THAT MOVE! I know its a bit selfish.
I haven't even been approached to ask what I think about any of this... not one single time... just walking in and hearing them talk about how its technically going to save them money to sell the house and rent somewhere. I just painted my room to be the most epic Nightmare Before Christmas scene... why would I want to pack up and leave it? I don't understand. I'd love it if they would stop looking at houses and assuming I'll be leaving with them and actually talk to me...
One thing's for sure... I'm not leaving.
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