The gory details.

The gory details about this are as follows. I went to my ex-boyfriends family's house today because we were really close when I was about 12... This was a STUPID idea really. Hindsight sucks? No matter how much I adore these people, I should have known that walking up to the door was the equivalent to walking the all toward the lions den! I swear I could have died if my ex's name was a knife with how many times it was brought up and thrown around... "Aw doesn't the baby look just like his Uncle Kenney?" mmmhmm.... "He has Kenney's belly button!" 0.0 sure does. "We won't let Ken over here until we know he's clean and not doing drugs anymore" Ah, good luck with that one. "Well look, that baby is flirting with you! You're Uncle Kenney used to like flirting with her too!" 0.0



AH! If I had anticipated the lions in the den I think I would have asked my mom to keep driving instead of stopping by... It was all I could do to not cry, keep my mouth shut, and not bite the heads off of every one (with the exception of my brother, my mom, and my ex's grandpa). I mean this is a sore subject because in reality I dated Kenney when I was 12. Since then its been nothing but emotionally damaging and hard to let go. So walking into that and not saying anything I wanted to say felt like someone had a knife to my throat and pulled tighter and tighter every time they said something about him.

Don't get me wrong, I loved him more than anyone before... We used to swear we were soul mates, and I guess if someone believes in that sort of thing, like I know that family does, it would appear as though we are... However, I have tried for the last 4, almost 5 years to ward off my feelings for him because its better for me not to care about him at all. As many of you know, these feelings often resurface and cause havoc and mayhem all over my emotional plate.

I don't want any of you thinking that I love AJ less than I love Kenney, its a different kind of love and on a completely different level. I love AJ, he is my rock. He saved my life and I would die if I didn't have him in my every day. He is my best friend and companion.

I don't know what to say about today

One things for sure, it hurt.