More than anything...

K guys game over I wana go home now...

I want to pull out my hair and scream in your face how much I hate you for making me feel this way, this unwanted and tossed aside. I hate that you aren't fighting to keep me there. Do I mean nothing to you? My stomach is in my throat and I keep asking myself why tears fall when people are upset, wondering about things I never thought about before. Wondering how long I can keep this up, this distraction from whats happening. I'm just staying at my dads a few days remember? Thats what I said before I left. Why is this so easy for you? To just let me go like this. When did things get so bad? Remember "I love you for eternity because forever isn't long enough" and "more than anything" "more than everything" Where did we go wrong? Why can't I sleep? I can't sleep for very long and I'm trying not to IM you and lay all of this down on you because you don't want to argue and the problem is that I don't either, I just want answers and I will fight with you to get those answers if I have to. I'm choking, its like someone has a blade to my throat and I can't swallow the lump that keeps rising up down enough to speak without fear of crying.
"you doing ok sis?"
"no daddy I'm not."
Why lie? I feel like I'm dying, like I'm falling apart without my super glue.

And what are you doing? Enjoying your new computer parts and playing games with the guys?

I want to fight you because I need to feel something other than this. I need to be angry.

One things for sure... What looks like water isn't always water.