Over.

My life has taken a massive turn. I've been with AJ for almost 5 years and I finally let go, at least for now. I won't rule out the possibility that when we grow up and live a little that we won't end up back together somewhere along the lines, and I think that this mindset is what is making me ok with life right now. I'm applying for jobs and walking around the block with my dad. I'm planning to move in with my best friend when the job scene settles and is real. I actually am considering taking on two jobs. Maybe if one works out I'll take on another one. I don't know exactly. Either way I have accepted that I shouldn't have relied completely on him because when I did that I became lazy, I assumed he would just take care of me forever. I let myself go. I stopped wanting to leave and go out and be a normal 20 year old young woman, and started being a 60 year old bitter old lady who was worried about who did the dishes or vacuumed the living room and took out the trash. I sat and crocheted and read books for hours and hours. I bitched about things I didn't like, stopped enjoying the things I would say I live for. I was unhappy and needed to do something to fix it and grow up a little. I know that this relationship didn't end because of me, it was both of us and things we did that weren't working out. Anyways. There will be good days in this healing and letting go process and there will be bad. I'm fully aware of this and I'm going to prepare myself for the worst as much as I can, because I know its going to hit me some time. So far we are still talking and know that we needed to separate, we both saw this coming... so did everyone else apparently.

One things for sure... there comes a time when it is perfectly ok to cry...