It was cool, til it wasn't anymore...

I have no reason to blog.
I'm happy.
I used to blog because it was the only way that I could put everything into perspective. It was the only way to let everything out so that it wasn't going to eat me up and... well... kill me. But now I think I need to start blogging again... not out of anger or hurt or anything like that... but because I'm actually happy! I need to record moments that made me smile, I need to document it to balance out the freak outs via my blog. I have to let go of some of the good and bad and some of the completely unimportant things... I need to blog EVERY SINGLE DAY from now until my 21st birthday... That is what I'm going to do... and then... for my new years resolution... I'm going to blog every week. At least once a week. I mean... I know I said that this year (this one that has almost ended) I would vlog every week... but that is too much! All the editing and thought I would have to put into that... plus the lack of camera and the webcam works but the mic sucks? Yep, I know I can stick to blogging! I mean, I blogged every single day for a month! I can at least devote one day a week to it!


Thoughts :
I love being in the bedroom in front of the house. I can see the christmas lights through my window. I don't care about the presents or the stupid tree or anything... just the lights. I want the lights up all year, it makes the nights feel even more magic than they already are.

I feel like I need a good cry. like I need to sit here with the lights out and the blinds open and to stare at the lights outside my window and just cry. Officially hate this


Ok... uh why do I do this to myself? Why do I think its better to be in a long distance relationship?All I want sometimes is for someone to just cuddle up next to me. Someone who isn't going to be ashamed of me, someone who will want to tell everyone that I'm theirs. I mean.......

ugh fuckit my mind just went somewhere I didn't want it to go...

Here is a song for the night, I'm going to sit here and look at the lights.

One things for sure... I haven't said that in a while...