My family rocks. Rocks so much. Yea... no.
In other news...
If I tell you "I havent had sex in months" and then back it up with "if I went out tonight I might have" you should be pissed. Genuinely pissed. Not the sweet innocent "I'm not there so what can I do?" no. and none of your proper english bullshit either. You just don't do that! Don't say you love me if you don't. I mean I think if you love someone you get pissed that the subject of sex with someone else comes up... Unless its something you have discussed and come to an agreement that sex is just sex and if I can't satisfy you in that way its ok for you to go fuck someone and then come home to me. Oh good fucking god that is not ok with me. I have a hard time wrapping my mind around the idea that maybe you have different views on this. I mean I guess you do. Since you said all that. I'm not kidding and you said you weren't either when it comes to the "marry me" thing. No. You don't tell someone you want to marry them and you love them and all this shit if can say that you would have had the opportunity to have sex tonight if you went out.
ugh this shit with my family right now has me fighting an addiction of my own, I cut myself for years and years... its the only thing that my mind goes to when I'm having more issues on my plate than i can handle. so... this situation I'm in with him has me a little angry. angry, but not to the point that i want my blades, which yes, I do still have I saved them from when I was about 10 years old... Crack heads have their addictions, alcoholics have theirs, I have mine. I'm wrecking my brain trying to veer off the road here and not drive straight off the cliff. I've done so well for the last 4 years with just a few slip up here and there...
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