One things for sure. This brings up really strange old memories
*Edit*
No big deal guys my talk with Tamika brought on the lovely drama of my room mate listening in and some how some where he got that I was talking to someone else, some other guy and hiding it from AJ! Are you fucking serious? So he leaves in the middle of my convo with her and goes to AJs work and tells AJ about this. So I get off the phone and everything is good. I sit and chat with Andrew (room mate) and we are having a good ol' time. Then we leave to go see AJ for lunch and first thing AJ says to me is "so why would you tell tamika that you have been talking to this guy online for two months and thats why you stay in the room?" OMFG WHAT!!! That is an accusation not a "did you say ______" or "are you seeing someone else?" SERIOUSLY! ACCUSED ME OF CHEATING ON HIM in the middle of walmart. So naturally I freaked out after my calm "I didnt say that..." and they both looked at me like I was fucking stupid and lying. So we get in the car and its quiet and Andrew starts talking about how theres an elephant in the car. Oh, no there isnt, you just fucking told my boyfriend that I'm talking to someone else basically cheating on him. That I'm seeing someone else. Oh of course because I leave the house, or sleep with someone other than AJ. Of course that means I'm seeing someone else!
The only thing I could have said was that when Kenney was living with my mom I was going over there to hang out with him for about 2 months. AJ knew that but I wasnt even sitting next to Kenney ever ever. I gave him a hug bye every once in a while. but really?
So this led me to ask AJ "so you think I would do something like that" which brought on the untrusting words 'well you have talked about wanting to see someone else or how you arent satisfied. I mean my friend tells me this, why would he lie to me? What reason does he have to lie to me?" I dont think im locating enough buttons to hit right now... I think that the button pushing other than to create words would be uncalled for and hurt my laptop. Therefore I will go with the very large understatement of "WHAT THE FUCK!"
I don't know why that sounds to me like he believes Andrew over me... But it does sound like that to me. I simply do not understand how the fuck we got here.
Relationship = trust and love
Accusing me of being with someone else and then asking why your friend would lie to you = NOT TRUSTING ME!
Ok why would Andrew lie to you? I don't know, lets see. WHY THE FUCK WOULD I LIE TO YOU? I give you everything. Everything of me. Ok then lets turn this into a job thing. I don't have one. I understand this. Matter of fact I applied to Starbucks yesterday. Good fun. I hate coffee shops. But I am sick of sitting here alone cleaning up after the two of them. So I applied for a job despite the idea that I'm applying for SSI
I simply can not believe this is happening. I am so floored I don't have words to say it. I just opened a bottle of pills and poured them in my mouth and swallowed one... spit the rest out... but I can't believe I'm considering killing myself because I really just wasted 5 fucking years of my very young life on a guy that in the end just does not trust me. I've lost the anger now. wrote out a lovely letter to him and I think I'll sit here til tomorrow watching Gilmore Girls and turning into a veggie.
One more thing is for sure. I think I would rather be a zombie with no feelings or thoughts right now... *searches for xanax*
*Edit*
No big deal guys my talk with Tamika brought on the lovely drama of my room mate listening in and some how some where he got that I was talking to someone else, some other guy and hiding it from AJ! Are you fucking serious? So he leaves in the middle of my convo with her and goes to AJs work and tells AJ about this. So I get off the phone and everything is good. I sit and chat with Andrew (room mate) and we are having a good ol' time. Then we leave to go see AJ for lunch and first thing AJ says to me is "so why would you tell tamika that you have been talking to this guy online for two months and thats why you stay in the room?" OMFG WHAT!!! That is an accusation not a "did you say ______" or "are you seeing someone else?" SERIOUSLY! ACCUSED ME OF CHEATING ON HIM in the middle of walmart. So naturally I freaked out after my calm "I didnt say that..." and they both looked at me like I was fucking stupid and lying. So we get in the car and its quiet and Andrew starts talking about how theres an elephant in the car. Oh, no there isnt, you just fucking told my boyfriend that I'm talking to someone else basically cheating on him. That I'm seeing someone else. Oh of course because I leave the house, or sleep with someone other than AJ. Of course that means I'm seeing someone else!
The only thing I could have said was that when Kenney was living with my mom I was going over there to hang out with him for about 2 months. AJ knew that but I wasnt even sitting next to Kenney ever ever. I gave him a hug bye every once in a while. but really?
So this led me to ask AJ "so you think I would do something like that" which brought on the untrusting words 'well you have talked about wanting to see someone else or how you arent satisfied. I mean my friend tells me this, why would he lie to me? What reason does he have to lie to me?" I dont think im locating enough buttons to hit right now... I think that the button pushing other than to create words would be uncalled for and hurt my laptop. Therefore I will go with the very large understatement of "WHAT THE FUCK!"
I don't know why that sounds to me like he believes Andrew over me... But it does sound like that to me. I simply do not understand how the fuck we got here.
Relationship = trust and love
Accusing me of being with someone else and then asking why your friend would lie to you = NOT TRUSTING ME!
Ok why would Andrew lie to you? I don't know, lets see. WHY THE FUCK WOULD I LIE TO YOU? I give you everything. Everything of me. Ok then lets turn this into a job thing. I don't have one. I understand this. Matter of fact I applied to Starbucks yesterday. Good fun. I hate coffee shops. But I am sick of sitting here alone cleaning up after the two of them. So I applied for a job despite the idea that I'm applying for SSI
I simply can not believe this is happening. I am so floored I don't have words to say it. I just opened a bottle of pills and poured them in my mouth and swallowed one... spit the rest out... but I can't believe I'm considering killing myself because I really just wasted 5 fucking years of my very young life on a guy that in the end just does not trust me. I've lost the anger now. wrote out a lovely letter to him and I think I'll sit here til tomorrow watching Gilmore Girls and turning into a veggie.
One more thing is for sure. I think I would rather be a zombie with no feelings or thoughts right now... *searches for xanax*
Hey girl, no man is worth taking your own life over, EVER!!!! I know that you feel real bad about what happened, but take another look at how you are treated. Maybe he was looking for a reason to accuse you of something so he could break up with you. Why would he believe another person over you after all the time you have been together. Love is based on trust and if that is not there then you have nothing. Pick your life up and move on to someone or something better, you don't need this type of treatment for the rest of your life. Do not ever depend on anyone but yourself. You are loved by many, remember that. Gramma
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