Ernest

To the one person I think about all the time and hate not being able to get ahold of because unknown reasons : I miss you. I worry about you. 

It sucks not talking to you after 2 years of talking to you almost every day. It really sucks not having someone to go to about things that I'm excited about and know that they will share that same excitement and encourage me. Where the fuck are you... You made me push my limits while at the same time you pushed your own. You brought out something in me that I didn't know I had. How are your kids? Another one on the way yet? What about your wife? Did you move like you wanted to? Why won't you respond to my emails? I tried to call you a few months ago, your cellphone isn't hooked up anymore. I have to be honest, I worry that something happened to you. You're fucking crazy, crashing your motorcycle over and over on the way to class and still coming despite that. I'm still drawing and writing. I don't use illustrator anymore... you know that though... I hated it and you helped me through those fucked up classes. I feel like I've lost you. Literally, I have. I can't find you. I've looked on social networking sites all over, I've emailed you, I've tried to call the cell number... I'm not taking prozac anymore... I'm a lot better. I left AJ and I saw Shelby a couple of months ago... He's three now! Can you believe it!! I dropped out when you left, I know you would be disappointed in me for not going back... But I'm working on getting my life together. Did you ever finish your masters? Where are you working? I don't even have a picture of you...

I remember I used to get so excited about class because I would go to class and have all these awesome stories from the weekend and from what I did in other classes. I'd be all excited and happy and show you my work. I didn't get to talk to you after I got into the photography thing... I mean, with the TV Show and all that... I didn't get a chance to show you the results. My mom got pregnant and had a baby boy so now I have a brother, my sister is with a guy (omg shocker!) and I'm slowly learning a new language. Haha sometimes when I know I said something stupid or someone else does, I hear your voice and you laughing at me and saying "ay cochina" and when I had some of the worst panic attacks ever you would take me out of class and sit in the hall with me and talk me through it all because you've been there. Oh, what I really really miss is our musical outbursts! I miss your stupid latin music and singing off tune with you in the middle of class to some stupid duet song. You know what Fluffy, I miss everything. /sigh. I wish I could find you.